Dear Axl Rose
December 15, 2007 – 6:59 am
Dear, Mr. Rose,
I’m sorry, I hope you won’t invite me to “get in the ring,” but I downloaded some of your soon-to-be-finished songs from the soon-to-be-released Chinese Democracy. It made me feel good, it made me feel cheap and it made me feel guilty. So in return, I wanted to give you back the $17 (one dollar for every year you have spent polishing this gem in the studio/writing/recording/ranting). We all know that this is going to be the greatest album of all time. (Sorry, Kid Rock). Please forgive me Axl. I know it is wrong for me (even as one of your biggest “straight” fans) to listen to your music prematurely – before you are happy with each version. I know that this is the last thing you would want to happen. So in return, please use this money to fund the following to help get this masterpiece completed.
- the cost of hiring a new guitarist
- the cost of firing a new guitarist
- the cost of remixing your vocals till it sounds like you are putting your leg in a woodchipper while strangling a cat.
- applications (printing costs)
- lawyers & accountants
- stack of blank CDs (the re-writable kind)
- Buckethead’s buckets
- Hate
- octagon (for solving disputes)
- Calvin Klein Cologne
- the rights to the word “bee-yatch”
- extra recording time for “RANTS”
Best Regards,
Jeff
Tags: Axl Rose, chinese democracy, Guns N' Roses, kid rock, letter
